big fan of polite and minimal explanations when you need to get out of work, school, plans etc. just a definitive ‘sorry but I can’t make it today.’ and then if they press for details or are rude about it say ‘sorry, something came up. thanks for understanding’ i’m over the idea that you have to exaggerate/overexplain your situation even when you don’t want to do that to be worthy of flexibility and grace in your life
The “thanks for understanding” is a power move, too, because then if they keep pressing it’s like implying that they’re NOT being understanding.
I’m not very partial to nuns, to put it lightly. I’m aware that they partake in the church’s gross agenda of colonization, patriarchy and all that other fuckery. But I also know that a lot of nuns are sexually abused by priests? And also by regular ass men who fetishize their chastity because, just like with lesbians, there’s few things that get most men going quite like violating the categorical refusal of women?
But you know, nun kinks are praxis or whatever. 🙄
Sexualizing nuns + sexualizing hijabis/niqabis + sexualizing any other woman who goes out of her way to practice modesty has to stop.
Yes, even women like Classically Abby and the girls from Girl Defined. I think they’re awful pieces of shit but respecting women’s consent is something that should always be granted, not something women should have to fucking earn.
When through your behavior you support the idea that some women don’t deserve to have their consent respected, you’re saying that it’s not an inherent right all women are entitled to. You can then make up any excuse to bulldoze through any woman’s sexual boundaries. She was a bitch, she had the wrong political stances, whatever you want.
You can find anything to justify violating someone’s consent once the right to consent isn’t guaranteed.
This is not just feminism 101 but like, being a decent person 101. You’re not radicals, you’re just the lowest of the barrel contrarians without any real firm ideals behind your actions.
reading a paper on quality of life among 45-to-70-year-olds with Down syndrome:
“Individuals expressed a desire to be allowed to go to bed when they wanted to.”
:(
Imagine.
I lived in a room and board that failed the burrito test. (”If you’re not allowed to get up in the middle of the night to microwave a burrito, you live in an institution.”) No one stopped me from going to bed, but they did tell me I had to have my lights out by 10, and that I had to be out of the house by 10 the next morning. When I complained to my outpatient program that I needed more help than I was getting, they threatened me with board and care, where my cell phone would be taken away and I would lose contact with the outside world. My case manager sounded so damn smug, like he had caught me out, when he said, “if you’re really as helpless as you say, then you need to be in a board and care.” Like my only options were struggling to do things I couldn’t do, or surrendering my life to an institution.
When I tried to talk about these things with other people, they always rationalized it away. (I told my dad once that my caseworker was reading my e-mails as I wrote them, demonstrating extreme disrespect for my privacy, and he said, “Well, she’s probably making sure you don’t use the internet to goof off.” I was 22 years old.)
People tend to mock the idea that telling an adult when to go to bed, when to eat, etc., is a human rights violation, even though they would find it outrageous and absurd if anyone came into their lives to do the same thing to them.
And this is what people seem to think when they tell disabled activists we’re just not disabled enough to understand that some people really do need to be locked up and deprived of all autonomy.
Pseudonyms! Use them! Even if it’s a nickname, a favorite character’s name, a letter, your username, use a pseudonym. Especially if you have a unique name
Private information is PRIVATE. Last name, age, full birthday. Things that could be used to identify you should not be shared. Remember those “enter anyone’s name and learn everything about them” websites? They aren’t kidding around, and they’re dangerous.
Your house is your business. Don’t share your home address, school name, city, even sharing what state you live in could be risky. There’s no reason for people online to need to know this, there’s no reason for people online to ask for it. This is a red flag
Pictures are worth a thousand words. Take note of what’s in pictures you post. Can you see a state flag? A pet’s collar with a home address on it? Does that screenshot have your phone number in it? Be careful with EXACTLY what you post.
Once you post it, it’s not yours anymore. Anyone on the internet can share a post, take screenshots, repost to other websites, send to other people, etc. Once you post something, what happens to it is out of your hands. Make sure you be careful with what you post.
Face and voice can reveal a lot about you. They can reveal age, agab, in some cases they can be used to determine where you live (accents anyone?) be careful.
Please kids on the internet, BE SAFE. Remember these are strangers. Remember the internet is full of real people with their own motives and intentions. Remember that you can’t control the internet. Please please PLEASE be safe!
